Pallavi Gupta Tired of feeling lonely? Read this article to learn what you can do to feel less lonely and overcome painful feelings of isolation.
Loneliness is a part of life.
Everyone, from time to time, gets to feel lonely.
Especially, in this day and age, where people are always connected online on various social media, they are feeling lonelier, more than ever.
What is Loneliness?
Loneliness is a feeling of being disconnected from others. It is feeling isolated, empty, unwanted, useless or misunderstood, specifically from your friends and family.
Feelings of loneliness could be triggered by several life events.
Relocation or moving away from your primary family to a different geographical region, breaking up with a romantic partner, absence of intimacy in friendships or with your spouse, and losing a life partner are the most common reasons people feel lonely.
Sometimes, a lack of purpose or clarity in life too can trigger feelings of loneliness.
It is vital to learn to fight loneliness because it could have a detrimental impact on our mental as well as physical health.
Why Do I Feel Lonely When I Am Not Alone?
Loneliness can significantly change the way you think. Your thoughts and cognition can become more negative and that, in turn, can perpetuate suffering and deteriorate your mental health.
Here are some of the common thoughts you get when you feel lonely and alone.
‘I Am So Tired of Being Lonely’
It’s common to feel sick and tired of being lonely.
The frustration that comes along with not knowing what to do to overcome the feelings of loneliness could be paralysing.
‘I Feel Like No One Understands Me’
Our lives have become busier.
You need a solid time with the people who are close to you to build intimacy.
The lack of quality time with your friends and family members can create a communication gap. So, it’s easier to feel misunderstood when you are feeling lonely.
‘Am I Meant to Be Alone’
As mentioned earlier, the feelings of loneliness could be so paralysing that these may leave you hopeless. You begin to irrationally believe that you are going to be alone forever.
‘Why Do I Feel Like No One Cares About Me’
When you are feeling forgotten and neglected by your friends and family, it may trigger acute feelings of isolation.
People could be busy, lost in their own lives, or just mean.
Any neglect or thoughtless action by them is enough to make you feel unwanted and uncared.
‘Why Do I Feel No Connection to My Family’
Friends and family form the core of your social support.
Sometimes, either due to circumstances or different choices in life, you evolve to become a person who no longer finds enough similarities with your friends and family.
The lack of commonalities with people around you can make you feel that “I can’t connect with people”. Such shifts in life can lead to feelings of loneliness.
How Can I Feel Less Lonely in Life?
Wondering what to do to stop feeling so lonely?
Below are some ways that can help you reduce your feelings of loneliness.
1. Not All Meaning in Life Comes from Other People
Before we move on to other ways to stop feeling lonely, one of the most crucial tips to reduce feelings of loneliness is an attitude shift, and that is believing that “Not all meaning in life comes from other people”.
While it’s true that relationships and social connections could be a source of joy and happiness but believing that your life is meaningless without them is far from the truth.
It’s good to keep things in perspective.
Telling yourself that you can’t make sense out of life without people will only suck the joy from other good things in your life.
Now let’s move further.
2. Let Go of Inferiority
To combat loneliness, you would need to feel comfortable with who you are.
Stop telling yourself that you are a second-rate person.
As you know that our thoughts decide our beliefs.
If you tell yourself that you are inferior, your mind will seek all the information to confirm your assumption. Then you start to believe that you are an inferior person.
If you tell yourself that you are attractive and desirable, partially if not entirely, your mind will seek information to confirm these views. Your beliefs impact your behaviour.
Unless you feel good in your skin, you would keep feeling hesitant, cautious, suspicious in connecting with others.
To connect with people, you need to let go of any feelings of inferiority that might be restricting you to open up to others.
3. Embrace Yourself As You Are
We spend a lot of our time chasing the perfect self. Believing that we are not worthy of the attention and closeness of other people unless we are an achiever or the best one out there.
Here’s an eye-opener for you.
People can admire you for your achievements but they can never love you for them.
Yes, you read it right.
Ask yourself, have you ever loved someone just because they were a high achiever in their respective field? Most probably, not.
Sure it’s good to be admired, but if you are feeling lonely, that’s not what you are looking for. You want to be loved, and unfortunately, your accomplishments can hardly “accomplish” that goal.
On the contrary, it’s our vulnerabilities and imperfections that help people bond with each other.
So, it’s probably a better idea to approach and talk to people as you are, and not wait for the day you become the perfect version of yourself.
Read this article to learn how to let go of perfectionism.
4. Believe You will Get Close to Others
It’s only human to want to feel connected with other people. This is our natural inclination. Social interaction is one of our core needs.
However, past experiences and failure to form meaningful relationships with others can sometimes make us feel hopeless.
Believing that you would never get closer to any person will only increase your feelings of loneliness.
A lot of times, we alienate ourselves because we think we are different and do not have anything in common with the people around us.
Inability to find any commonality will only breed resentment and this usually drives people away.
So, one of the best ways to form meaningful connections with others and meet new people is to try and look for what’s common between you and the people around you.
Come up with a list of activities, interests, goals that you share with others and seek out the opportunities to pursue those with them. For example, join book clubs or yoga classes.
You will soon realise that this additional agenda of seeking common goals together makes you less insecure and self-conscious around them. Gradually, spending time together will help you form a bond and feel connected with them.
5. It’s Not Terrible to be Alone Sometimes
Most of us hate being alone because, somewhere in our minds, we think that we can’t have fun all by ourselves. Or there is something wrong with us if we spend our time alone.
If you are one of those people who think that it’s bad to be alone and are suffering from crippling loneliness, you might have to make a shift in your belief.
If you see it close, you would find that it may feel a little uncomfortable being alone but it doesn’t have to be terrible.
Actually, there are a lot of benefits to being all by yourself. If you think that it’s sad to do things alone, ask yourself if it is really so.
Yes, give yourself permission to experiment with doing some things alone.
Predict your degree of pleasure before doing that activity and then record how you feel once you have done it. You will come to know that it’s not completely terrible to be alone.
You can still find significant joy doing activities on your own.
Related: How to Become Your Own Best Friend
Conclusion
Loneliness is a natural experience of human existence.
However, the pain and suffering these feelings bring to us could be managed by a few attitudinal shifts and proactive measures.
You can learn to feel less lonely by cultivating optimism and being hopeful of future intimate relationships, learning to appreciate your own company, working on your self-esteem and being more proactive in approaching other people.
References:
Suggested Reading: Study on Loneliness by the University of Chicago
