Pallavi Gupta Wondering if Sexting is Cheating? Read this article to learn what is cheating and is it worth ending the relationship with your partner?
The Internet has changed the way we interact with one another. Our forbidden desires which once stayed within the confines of our fantasy have now become easily accessible in the real life, thanks to our smartphones and laptops.
What we do on the Internet can have a significant impact on our relationships with our loved ones, especially with our romantic partners.
Sexting is one such activity that may seem innocuous to the sexter but can have the potential to ruin the relationship.
What is Sexting?
Sexting is sending sexually suggestive messages in the form of texts, photos or videos to another person using the Internet.
While it has become extremely common for the younger generation to exchange nudes and sexually explicit messages in a romantic relationship, many people sext even after being in a relationship with another person.
The messages that are sexual in nature are often seen as an act of infidelity.
What is Considered Cheating?
It’s not so simple to define what constitutes cheating as it might be subjective.
But, what is cheating, really?
Cheating involves an element of secrecy, sexual feelings with or without your emotional involvement towards a person other than your spouse, lover or romantic partner.
It is considered cheating if you try to hide something from your partner because you fear that can upset them.
Romantic relationships work on an emotional contract, sometimes an unsaid one, that has been agreed or expected to have been agreed upon by both partners.
The rules of this emotional contract have boundaries set by the partners involved in the relationship.
When you are in a committed relationship, you define boundaries and agree to not cross them.
It is true that different people have different tolerance levels and moral standards, but if the partners don’t draw boundaries beforehand to protect their relationship, it could jeopardise what you have with your partner.
‘My husband is Sexting With Someone Else’
It’s not uncommon to hear plights of wives where they catch their spouse having a sex chat with another person online. Their world comes crashing down.
When confronted, the husband usually denies the seriousness of his actions saying, “it didn’t mean nothing”.
Why do Guys Sext When They Have A Girlfriend
People who compulsively sext do so for a variety of reasons.
As mentioned earlier, with the penetration of the Internet and smartphone use, connecting with a random person has become incredibly easier.
People have different styles of attachment – Secure, Anxious and Avoidant.
Those of us who have a secure style of attachment usually feel content and happy with their romantic partner.
However, the ones with an anxious or avoidant attachment style find themselves getting tempted to sexting.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend has an anxious style of attachment they might use sexting compulsively to feel more proximity and protection from others.
Similarly, a person with an avoidant style of attachment uses sexting to attain sexual pleasure without getting close to the receiver of their sext.
Then there are other reasons why people sext even after being in a stable and long term relationship.
Sexual deadness, lack of novelty and variety, boredom, self-esteem issues can push people to indulge in sexting with people other than their romantic partners.
Is It Okay to Sext Someone Else While in A Relationship?
If your lover or spouse has an objection to your sexting, then it is not okay. Why? Because of the following reasons:
1. You Break Their Trust
Sexting can be seen as an act of betrayal and a breach of trust by your partner.
Once the trust is damaged, you risk losing your relationship.
Moreover, it becomes difficult for your partner to see you in the same light, leaving them paranoid and insecure.
2. You Compromise Intimacy With Your Partner
When you cross the emotional boundary and interact intimately with a third person, you weaken what you have with your spouse or lover.
Sexting with someone else while in a relationship puts you at risk of losing a steady ground and a best friend.
3. You Destroy Your Partner’s Self-worth
Sexting may not mean anything to the sexter, but it may be detrimental to the self-worth of their partner. Sexting may feel like an act of rejection to your spouse. This can trigger feelings of worthlessness in them.
4. You Can Get Addicted to Sexting
Sext-addiction is a real thing.
Not only it can have some serious mental health repercussions, but it could also leave you feeling out of control and turn your world upside down.
5. Sexting May Progress to Affair
What starts with a harmless sexts exchange may readily progress into a full-blown affair. An extra-marital affair is a surefire recipe to end your long term relationship with your partner.
Related: What does Cheating Say About A Person
Is Sexting Cheating, Then?
Yes, sexting is cheating if:
- You are hiding it from your partner
- Your partner doesn’t approve of it and you continue to indulge in it
Can You Forgive Someone for Sexting?
It’s not easy to forgive your spouse or lover once they admit to sexting another person. As it is a breach of trust and a serious blow to your esteem, the hurt they have caused would give birth to anger and resentment towards them.
But should you end your relationship with them because they have been Sexting?
It depends on whether they feel remorse for what they did and then what is at stake.
If you have kids and mutual investments with them, the decision to end the relationship with them might be very difficult.
That said, if the person continues to indulge in sexting, then it’s up to you to make the tough call and leave.
Conclusion
Sexting is cheating if your spouse or partner feels upset by it and demands you to discontinue it.
Recommended Reading: The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
