How to be More Sexually Assertive in Bed

sexual assertiveness

Unable to express your sexual needs? Read this article to learn how to be more sexually assertive by being honest and open about your sexual desires.

What is Sexual Assertiveness?

Sexual assertiveness is the ability to meet your sexual needs confidently. 

Being more assertive sexually can significantly improve your sexual health.

A lot of women still find it taboo to talk about anything sexual. This mindset can restrain them from fulfilling their sexual needs completely which, in turn, makes their sexual health poor.

However, research shows that sexual assertiveness can improve the sexual health of women.

Your sexual health is independent of your reproductive health.

Stop Suffering because of Lack of Sexual Assertiveness

When it comes to sex, women face a lot of taboo, and social and cultural barriers. 

In many parts of the world, especially in conservative societies, women are either sexually dissatisfied or their desires are ignored completely.

This lack of attention to their sexual needs and desires can have a detrimental impact on their sexual health.

Their relationships suffer. Divorces, infidelity and discreet relationships are some of the consequences of sexual dissatisfaction.

In some cultures, the timidity and submissiveness of women are favoured but this leads to them becoming shy, unable to request sex when they need it and this can have a poor impact on their mental, physical and psychological health.

Benefits of Sexual Assertiveness

Being more open and confident in asking for what you need can help you improve your marital life substantially.

By learning how to be more sexually assertive you can experience more orgasms, and enhance your marital and sexual satisfaction with your spouse or sexual partner.

How to be More Sexually Assertive in Bed

It’s important to communicate your sexual needs and issues to your sexual partner. 

If you think requesting sexual relations is inappropriate, you need an attitude change. Sexual pleasure is not just about your husband.

Below are 15 tips on how you can become more sexually assertive:

1. Be Open About Your Sexual Needs

Talking about your sexual desires and needs can help you connect with your partner at a more intimate level.

2. Ask About Sexual History

While you may feel a little apprehensive about asking for the sexual history of your partner, it’s a good practice to do so.

Sharing about your sexual history not only helps you understand about sexual lives of your partner but also helps you be aware of any risks of disease that you might contract.

3. Insist on Condom if That’s What You Want 

If you are not okay with sex without protection, communicate with them so. Insisting on a condom is not only your right but it will also reduce any anxiety from the sexual experience that you might get if you are unsure about your partner’s physical status.

4. Don’t Fake Orgasms

A lot of women fake orgasms. It is usually when they can’t have orgasms by the sexual experience and they don’t want to hurt the ego of their partner.

Faking orgasms consistently can weaken your sexual satisfaction and you might even begin to resent sex.

If you are finding it challenging to orgasm, it’s a good idea to communicate the same to your partner. Yes, it might sting them a little but it will be better for your overall sexual health.

Being more honest with what you find pleasurable and telling the same to your partner can help you receive it.

5. Say No to Sexual Positions You Don’t Like

Sex is not all about just the missionary position.

However, if some positions are making you uncomfortable or lead to a painful experience, it is totally fine to convey it to your partner.

Sex is about pleasure and by being more assertive about what doesn’t feel good, you can stop being miserable in bed.

6. Initiate Sex

Many women feel ashamed and shy about initiating sex with their partners because they believe it is not appropriate to express sexual desire.

The problem with this mindset is that it keeps many women dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Ignoring their needs is the surefire way to lead an unhappy life.

7. Refuse Sex if you are not ready 

Maybe you are on those uncomfortable days of your menstrual cycle or you feel it’s too soon to get into a sexual relationship with your new lover. In both situations, you have all the right to convey your undesirability to sex.

Never let anyone make you feel guilty about not having sex when you don’t want to.

8. Masturbate

Masturbation can help you connect with yourself and discover what you like sexually. A lot of women find it squeamish, immoral or bad to masturbate and feel guilty if they induge in it.

It’s good to keep in mind that not just humans, a lot of mammals masturbate and it is a natural phenomenon.

Masturbating in a private space, you can learn more about your body. This self-discovery would not only enhance your pleasure but will also improve your sexual relationship with your partner.

9. Ask for foreplay

Foreplay can help you feel ready for sex.

Women find that foreplay can arouse them and it makes them more receptive to penetrative sex.

If your man is someone who just likes to unload himself on you, request him to add foreplay before penetrative sex. Foreplay can make sex more pleasurable for both partners.

10. Indulge in Oral sex

Most women can’t orgasm just by penetrative sex.

Clitoral stimulation is one surefire way to help a woman orgasm.

Moreover, oral sex can be mutually satisfying.

11. Let Go of Your Insecurities

You can not feel sexually assertive unless you feel comfortable with your own body.

Sex can make you feel vulnerable when it comes to insecurities with your looks.

You can’t relax if you are thinking about how your body, your bulges and stretch marks.

Let go of all the insecurity.

That’s the only way to feel confident sexually.

Cut down on junk food or get regular exercise if you haven’t been already. Both these changes will help you make feel good about your body.

12. Be Open to New Experiences

Sex does not have to be plain vanilla within the confines of your bedroom.

If you have been feeling bored with the usual sexual activities with your partner and want to try something, feel free to tell them.

Anything done with the consent of your partner, within a private setting and legal boundaries, can help you explore your sexuality more.

13. Undress Your Partner

Further to initiating sex, if you feel like it, you can take charge and undress your partner.

You can feel more proactive when it comes to taking charge of your sexual desires.

This simple act can make you feel confident about pursuing your sexual needs.

14. Educate Yourself 

Read about sex.

There are books and online resources available.

By making yourself more aware of human sexuality, you can improve your sexual health.

15. Set Your Boundaries

Let your partner know your boundaries.

Nothing makes life more miserable doing things that you don’t want to just to please them.


Most women find it difficult to fulfil their sexual needs and desires. By communicating your sexual needs to your partner you can become more sexually assertive and enjoy enhanced sexual and marital satisfaction.

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