Pallavi Gupta Breakups are tough and heartbreaking! Read this article to learn how to stop missing your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and move on in life for a better future.
Longing for someone who just decided to part ways with you can be excruciatingly painful. Even if it was you who ended the relationship with them, it could be equally debilitating, surprisingly.
The heartbreak introduces a cocktail of emotions that can leave you miserable, disoriented, regretful, angry, aching, anxious, helpless, frustrated, perpetually distracted and empty!
The suffering is real.
Why Does A Breakup Hurt So Much?
It’s Not Easy to Stop Missing An Ex Lover
You find yourself utterly unprepared to deal with this new reality. Nothing seems to soothe you from this discomfort. Your mental health suffers.
The images of your ex, the good times, and the bad times play on an endless loop, in your head. The things that were said and things that could have been said, the mind tries to figure out everything, from the beginning to the end. Where did it go wrong? Could it have been better? Could it have been avoided? It tries to convince you that only getting back together could get you relief and nothing else would!
Deep in your broken heart, you know, there was a reason why the relationship came to an end; but the pain of separation can beat any logical reasoning. The inability to concentrate on any task at home, school or work, and enjoy the simplest pleasures such as watching a movie or your favourite series, can make you feel helpless.
Imaginary conversations and scenarios, featuring you and them, become a part of your waking hours. Even taking afternoon naps or a sound sleep at night could feel like a distant dream.
Nothing seems to relax you or make you feel rested. The rapid heartbeats, that eternal lump in the throat, tightness in the chest and the throbbing headache become the constant companion.
Going out, visiting the places that you used to hang out with your ex, can trigger a sense of loneliness and void, that won’t go away.
Friends and family try to help but don’t completely seem to understand what you are going through, and that could sometimes make you feel even worse!
Days go by in a blur.
You try your hard to not think about them; but you find it impossible to quench your curiosity about them, their lives. Are there any updates?
You wonder: Are they sad as I am? Are they sorry for what they did to me? Do they regret their decision and want to get back together?
Unfortunately, the current digital age and easy accessibility of social media and the lives of those on it, make it further challenging for you to fight back that urge to keep knowing what they are up to.
Stalking their social media profiles, messaging them hysterically, continuously checking your messenger hoping to receive their message, are some rather typical post-breakup behaviour.
Seeking the updates of your ex could be self-sabotaging, though. No one feels happy seeing their ex having a time of their lives.
Related: How to Deal With Love Addiction Withdrawal
Why Do I Miss My Ex So Much?
Our bodies don’t do well with breakups.
As a human being, we seek a sense of comfort and security from each other, and that’s the core need that drives us to form a relationship; and when this bond breaks, our bodies take it as a threat and thus we are faced with this distress which could feel intense if it was a romantic bond.
Then follows a whirlwind of bizarre somatic and psychological experiences that can make you feel as if you are losing your mind.
If you are unable to stop thinking about your ex, you are not alone.
Yes, the breakup sucks.
It does feel like you have to deal with it all by yourself; that you won’t be able to get over it; that your life is doomed.
All these feelings are real, but only for the time being.
How Do I Stop Missing My Ex and Get Over Breakup
Can’t stop thinking about your ex?
Here are 10 steps to stop missing your ex and get your sanity back.
1. Take A Vacation For a Week or Two
Get away somewhere for a few days and get yourself ample rest.
Take good care of your body. Eat nutritious food, get regular exercise and make it a commitment to catch 7-8 hours of restful sleep.
During these days, don’t struggle with the intrusive and obsessive thoughts of your ex.
Let the breakup sink in.
Express yourself in a journal or to a close friend.
Feel all the pain.
Write about all the things that hurt you the most; the behaviour of your ex, how your expectations were not met by them, what really happened and how it made you feel.
2. Get A Reality Check of the Situation
You need to change your focus from your ex and your love life to yourself.
Once you have acknowledged your painful feelings of sadness and anxiety, you got to accept you are in a no-win situation here.
Clinging on to a rejecting lover will only perpetuate your suffering.
You must come to terms with the fact that things have ended.
It’s time to say goodbye to a relationship that has clearly become unhealthy for you.
If it is making you feel like you are falling apart, have lost it and that you will never get to feel your normal self again, then it’s clear evidence that these feelings are not of love but obsession. Love doesn’t cause you unhappiness, but obsession does.
Not only obsessing over an ex is hurting your mental health but it is also keeping you stagnant in your life.
3. Accept, You Can’t Force Your Ex to Love You
It’s the hope of getting back together with your ex that fuels the anxiety that follows breakup.
You know what, there’s a reason why you broke up.
Pleading, begging, manipulating or threatening them wouldn’t bring them back to you.
Love happens organically. If your ex-lover no more wants to be a part of this romantic relationship, you don’t have any other option. You can’t let them stay.
The sooner you accept the limits of what is under your control and what’s not, the sooner you would feel ready to let them go.
Related: How to Stop Trying to Control Everything and Let Go
4. Believe, You Can Control Yourself
Breakups can make you feel as if you have no control over your thoughts and actions.
You need to let go of this mistaken belief.
Sure, you can’t dictate your ex but you can choose not to surrender yourself to your panic.
Yes, it’s possible not to text or call them incessantly.
You just have to decide.
Don’t visit their social media profiles, don’t look for any updates about them from your common friends, either.
All these choices are well under your control.
You can help yourself and make healthier choices and follow the no contact rule.
Don’t avoid personal responsibility for your actions
5. Remind Yourself What You didn’t Like About Your Ex
One reason why you are finding it difficult to get over your ex is that you still think they are lucrative.
Remind yourself that no one is perfect.
It’s easy to believe that they were “the one” and you won’t find anyone better than them.
But you have to stop this idealization of your ex.
Change your perspective and get a balanced image of your ex.
Maybe they lied and cheated on you when they were in a relationship with you.
Keeping their flaws in mind helps reduce their desirability and helps you stop missing them.
Related: Is Sexting Cheating When You Are In A Relationship
6. Avoid All the Triggers That Remind You of Your Ex
Make a list of the things that you associate with your ex. Whether it is love songs or romantic movies, if these remind you of your ex, it would be a good idea to take a break from such media.
Feelings of sadness can act as a trigger too. Maybe you start thinking about them when you feel sad or horny, wishing they were there with you to give you some comfort.
7. Get in Touch with Your Old Friends
Breakups can make you feel very lonely. Moreover, you wouldn’t feel like meeting new people. Such withdrawal will only increase your feelings of loneliness.
Spending time with friends can help you deal with the stings of rejection.
Read: How to Feel Less Lonely
8. Get Some Exercise
When you work out, your body releases endorphins, the feel-good hormones. Make sure you do exercise that helps you sweat, at least for 30 minutes a day.
Body movement is a good way to release built-up stress and boost your self-esteem in the long term.
Keep in mind not to overdo it or use physical exercises to avoid your pain. Moderation is the key here.
9. Choose Activities that Demand Your Concentration
To tackle obsessive thoughts, you would need some diversion.
The moment you catch yourself revisiting the memories, or fantasising about your ex, stop yourself. Then, divert your attention to such activities that would require your concentration.
Staying busy is the antidote to overthinking.
Do a crossword puzzle, solve some mathematical problems, organize your wardrobe, or paint a piece of furniture. These diversion exercises will stop you from going into ruminations.
Related: How to Stop Ruminating
10. Forgive Your Ex
Holding grudges will only make you feel miserable.
While it’s not easy to forgive someone who betrayed you or broke promises, acknowledging the frailties of human nature is one way to let go of all the pain that breakup brings.
Read: How to Let Go of Grudges and Bitterness
What Does A Breakup Teach You?
The painful experiences in your life could be your greatest teacher. Breaking up is full of suffering, but nothing else could teach you more about yourself than what a heartbreak can. Once you are through this phase, you would end up with an introduction to a lifetime of wisdom which would not only make you more resilient but would also make better prepared to deal with the vicissitudes of life.
1. Nothing is Permanent in Life
When we are in love, all we want is to stay around our partner and live a life together. Our future has them. Our dreams have them, and theirs have us. But a breakup is a rude awakening from that fantasy. People come into your life, and then they go. That’s the fact. However, the length of their stay varies. Some stay for a while and some a little longer. If their stay provides us with security and comfort, we want to hold onto them for as long as we can. That’s our fundamental human nature; nothing wrong with that. A breakup teaches you to be aware of the fragility of our dreams, the impermanence of the things and people, we take for granted sometimes.
2. You are Yours Forever, Nobody Else is
If no one stays for a lifetime, then who does? It’s you. You would be with you until the very end of this beautiful life. A breakup makes you aware of this fact. This knowledge can empower you; you start taking care of yourself a little more; giving yourself the love and respect you deserve. It makes you realise that your peace of mind, your inner happiness and your development are worth prioritising.
3. We Still Need Each Other to Lead A Good Life
Shouldn’t we then stop forming relationships if it has to end one day eventually? That’s like saying why should we live today if we have to die one day.
A breakup doesn’t want you to quit living.
All it wants is you to live with a new perception.
It wants you to believe in others and yourself; you can love others and yourself; it is possible for you to live for someone else and for yourself too. You might have lost someone you loved, but at the same time, you got a bridge to your heart.
With that learning in mind, you set out to form newer, better, and more meaningful relationships. You are stronger than you were before your breakup. Why? Because now you have got your back, too.
The good memories of your past relationship reveal that companionship and romance make you feel good; that you can love and be loved. It’s worth it to make efforts to mingle with others and start a new relationship, once again, with someone else.
It doesn’t mean that you can’t live without others. It just means that you can have a good life all by yourself, but a better one with someone who is loving and committed to you; and it’s always good to strive for better.
Related: What Does Cheating Say About A Person
Conclusion
Breakups are some of the most stressful periods of life. The mental and emotional anguish that a breakup causes, need time to heal. However, accepting the new situation and realising the need to let go of the dead relationship can help you stop thinking about your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.
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